Monday, July 25, 2011

Emotionally Tied Together?

I have an interest in ADD/ADHD (maybe I have it, no?) and so I like to read stuff about ADD/ADHD when I see it, so when I see this article--linked here--on msnbc, of course I read it. It's about how the moods of parents of ADHD kids go up and down with the kids' behavior.

Are parents really that tied to their kids? Really? See, I'm not a parent, so maybe I don't understand and I never will as long as I don't have kids, but really, parents distressed by kids' behavior to a degree that causes mental health issues?

Maybe it is time for some parents to realize that their children are separate and different from themselves, that they are going to make decisions independent of the parent, and some of those decisions are going to be disagreeable to the parent (against their wishes), some are going to go against the values of the parents, and some of the kiddo's decisions are just going to suck. While parenting does definitely have some influence on kids and their behavior, as you can see reflected in the arguments in the comment section of the article, children are separate and different beings than their parents. They are going to make their own choices in how they behave, and those choices are not always going to be correct or good. It looks to me like many parents have tied their own self regard to the actions and choices of their children to a degree that seems unhealthy.

It's a paradox to me: we have a lot of really selfish self centered "world revolves around me" people running around out there, who seem to have not received much training, discipline or guidance at home from their parents, yet many parents are tied at the hip emotionally to their kids. It just seems odd in light of how young people behave and think these days.

I suppose my own parents had an emotional tie as described in this article, but I don't remember anyone talking about it, either to me, to each other or in the media. Maybe that's my dysfunctional bunch, but I think times were different too. I am not sure the change is for the better!


Bob G. said...

I'm not a parent either (that I know, but I will say that EVERY person has the POTENTIAL for becoming a GREAT parent for one reason alone:


(and should have paid attention to something long the way)

Society created and then fostered this whole "hurray for me, the hell with everyone else" mindset, and the best example is the entitlement mentality that permeates alomst EVERY corner of our society.
We "deserve it"..or we're "entitled" to have whateveryone ELSE has...that's true equality.

And THAT is total BS.

You WANT something bad enough?
WORK for it.
TOIL to make having what you want appreciated that much more.

Parents lost a lot of "cred" when they were told to try becoming their child's "best friend".
(that goes as far back as the "counter-culture 1970s)

Sorry, you're a PARENT (first), and that comes with it's OWN responsibilities, which many times, supercede YOUR you SACRIFICE.

(but sacrificing isn't serving oneself, is it?)
No, but it serves the greater good...that of your OWN children and the family in general.

Many parents seem to be missing that these days.

Again, another "Back to basics" approach would go a LONG way to reversing this trend.

Excellent post.

Stay safe out there.

The Observer said...

Bob G:
Thanks for the insights and comment. I am really not sure if all this parental emotional attachment is such a good thing...paradoxically, we have parents who don't (seem) to give a damn...until someone else comes along and says "no" to their kid. Then it's like a personal affront.

I'm hoping a parent might chime in to this--a parent's job is to love, teach, train, cherish and let go of a kid, not to live vicariously, or worry about the kid reflecting back on them "poorly" (and I put that in quotes, recognizing that there is an objective good.)

The Observer